Ooh..it has been like 3 years since my last „confession”.. Didn’t feel like writing or sharing..at all. What changed? Maybe my priorities in life. Maybe nothing has changed. Even i don’t know..
What i know is that i am trying to be a better person, find my inner peace, balance and become „zen”. God knows it’s hard..i loose it sometimes but then, I’m looking at the bigger picture and i get back on my track.
And now i realize that i must let go of so much anger and frustrations so i can live a peaceful life. A peaceful inner life. I refuse from now on to hate people i once loved and embrace other feelings for them. I cannot say for sure what kind of feelings they are..of regret, of missing them, maybe.. Can be even friendship again? Not sure..maybe friendship is too much to start with..it can be a simple „hello” maybe? Yep..it can be..At least from my side..
That is a strange feeling in there..contradicts much.. Can be the sign of my weakness or of my strength letting go of almost 5 years of hatred, disgust and rage, that i often reminded myself in those years. But now, it’s like i don’t remember the bad, but the nicest and funniest memories of all.. I guess I’m just as retarded as always :)) or the person that once chose pride and honor over friendship. A 14 year old friendship..
Truth be told..i miss having a bff, but now, the more i love my life as it is now, having everything i ever dreamed of, except a bff. NP – life goes on without them..